March 9, 2020
“Abba, Father.
How sweet it is to call You that. As I look at my upcoming year, knowing where it will take me, I also know that the ins and outs of my year are in Your complete control. I feel like my year will fly by, at a pace I am not use to. But I also want to practice patience rather than rush through what You might have for me to learn. I pray that You reveal yourself in the everyday and the mundane. I pray You show yourself in the hard and trying pieces of this process. I ask that You take me out of my own way, that You bring me back to You again and again. Give me Your wisdom as I raise funds to go share Your Gospel, not to get in over my head, but rather rely on You, Your provision, and Your guidance.”
This was part of my prayer two weeks ago. Sitting in a coffee shop in Colorado, little did I know that I had no idea what the next few weeks or months would hold for me. Slowly, and then very quickly, my world changed in crazy ways. After my main job closed, my faith in the Lord and how He would provide went crazy downhill. Two weeks before, I was telling people that God would provide for my race. I told them how well He had provided after leaving school and the months following. I was so positive that I would be able to put a lot of my own money to the race and then fund raise and rely on the Lord for the rest. And I was very ready to rely when I knew exactly what was in store. But when everything changed, my reliance went out the window.
I sat in my car in tears, wondering how in the world I was going to still go over seas when I didn’t even have a job to support my everyday. I cried to the Lord “why would this happen now? How am I supposed to follow You and ask people to give funds when everyone is losing their jobs?”. I sat there for quite some time asking for the Lords wisdom, asking that He would show me where provision would come from and how I could rely on Him when everything was changing. In one quiet moment Mark 4: 39 was spoken to me. “Peace, be still”. I sat there, took a deep breath, and said “okay Lord”. Trying to settle myself, my emotions, and trying to turn my attention to what I needed to hear, I sat in my car.
A silver SUV was to the right of me. The driver came out of the coffee shop, got in his car, and he drove away. I noticed that the spot freed up next to me, but other than that, didn’t really pay attention to him coming and driving away. I continued to sit in the silence, trying to figure out what it would look like to rely on God’s provision for my upcoming trip. And then the silver SUV pulled next to me again. Strange, I thought, but oh well. And then the man tapped on my window. I rolled it down and asked what I could do for him. He looked at me and said “I know that everyone is having a hard time right now and I just really want to bless you. God is good and so I am going to pass that on to you. I hope you have a blessed day”. He handed me a twenty dollar bill and he drove away. I began to laugh while tears remained in my eyes because, wow does God provide.
As I got out of my car to go work on what ever was on the schedule for that day, I was just astounded. As I had sat in my car, unsure of the Lord’s provision and how He would remain faithful, He responded by showing me in a very real way that He could use anyone to fulfill His plan. I realized that my trust in the Lord can not be a circumstantial trust. Whether I have a job or not, God is going to provide and bring His plan for my life to fruition, because He is good and He is orders my everyday.
I think it is wild that my prayer was that the Lord would lead me in His way. That He would open my eyes to what He has in store for this season. That He would lead me to Himself, show me that He is in control despite my surroundings, and that He would teach me patience. And here I am, being taught those things precisely, and I begin to think it is time to run. I am so grateful that I serve a God who gently comes along side me and points me back to Him by the giving of a random stranger because he knows I need a reminder. I am so thankful that my God does to forsake me when I begin to doubt, but rather He comes along side and lovingly reminds me why I should trust. He is bigger than my plans and where I think He is taking me, and He will faithfully provide every step of the way.
-Q
